Urban legends: the medical chapter

This article may require the use of View > Encoding > Unicode (UTF-8), cos i'm showing off my Mandarin.

Medicine is built on a sound scientific foundation. Yet the medical community is abound with much superstitious beliefs which few will dare to challenge. The night call exemplifies this notion. Those who's been through one may have been told sternly what not to do, what not to say and what not to eat. The following is a list of my (limited) experiences:

1. Don't ask for it
I was in M1, attached to Hospital X's A&E department for my SSM. The night was pretty interesting early on, with a drunk man urging me to touch his (ahem, red light!), and a psy patient lashing out at the paramedics for saving her from her suicide. Then the night became more peaceful; there were only a handful of walk-ins left and zero resuscitation cases. As with most medical students, eager for action ala ER, I asked my MO, at 0400hrs, "Wa, tonight very quiet ah." He stared at me with a disturbed look. Then he decided to broadcast what I just said to the sister, who is across the room. "This medical student just asked why today so quiet." As soon as he completed his sentence, all the nurses and MOs turned to look at the medical student monkey. I knew I was in deep trouble. Fortunately they were understanding. "We don't say things like that.", replied the sister, and she looked at me with an almost pitiful look. I bet she was thinking, "Poor medical student monkey… He's still a kid… and he's got so much more to learn." Most fortunately, there remain zero resuscitation cases through to the next morning when I left.

2. Some are just unlucky
If you are the HO and you were involved in a busy call, you may have unwittingly earned yourself an unfortunate reputation. Your name will start to fit into statements like "Oh no! I'm doing call with (insert name here) again!" Of course this is often just fodder for mindless chit-chatting and no one takes it too seriously. A call is a call is a call. 兵来将挡，水来土淹!

3. Foods to avoid
The medical community loves food. They love it so much they describe conditions with them. Like cheesy necrosis, pizza in the sky, and banana milk shake with aloe vera. Ok maybe not the last one. Nonetheless, I've been warned to avoid the following foods:

a) steamed bun (包，bao): because "bao", used in isolation, means "to cover". So indulging in a steamy char siew bao means you may be covering lots of patients for the night.

b) glutinous rice dumpling (粽，zong): because "zong" sounds like "中，zhong", which means "to kena". So digging into a mouth-watering dumpling means you may "kena" things you wished you hadn't.

c) steamed bun PLUS glutinous rice dumpling: doing this means you are a masochist, because "bao" + "zong" means "包中，bao zhong", or "confirm kena". It doesn't take much to understand what this will entail.

4. Foods to eat
With every poison there is an antidote. Unfortunately I only know of one food which is safe, and that is the good ol' bread, "面包，mian bao", which sounds like "免包，avoid having to cover". So eating a few pieces of wholesome Gardenia will hopefully grant you a peaceful night.

There are probably more theories around. Those who have them should share. I guess we all would rather be safe than sorry.

Red light district

The Magic Fundoshi has been an amazing experience. Watching it will make you understand why some protective, conservative parent wrote in to the ST Forum to complain about its sexual innuendoes, and why CT said he was stunned (probably in more ways than one) when he watched it 2/52 ago. Fortunately I was mentally prepared after reading the official website which advised patrons to be at least 16 years of age and warned of adult themes and nudity.

This production is made of 3 short kyogen that are inspired by "human foibles and frailities", such as sloth and lust, but largely lust. Ha ha. Was pleasantly surprised to see the talented Glen Goei in person at the start of the show. As director of the play he had come out to warn us about the red light, which comes on once the scene turns suitably R(A). Well those who closed their eyes at the sight of the red light will probably have missed 1/3 of the first kyogen, 2/3 of the second, and the ENTIRE third kyogen, the latter which, by the way, was the most hilarious.

Was lost in the first 5 minutes of the show when everyone started to deliver their lines involving words like "predilection", "piquant" and "parsimonious". Evidently my command in English is weak, and it doesn't help that they had to talk in a Japanese accent, where L's are dropped to sound like R's. Fortunately everything became more visual (ahem, red light!) and you could possibly make out what's going on just by keeping your eyes open. Kudos to the cast for their excellent performance (including Emma Yong's cameo), and to W!LD RICE for bringing this production back since 1994.

By the way, those who are observant will notice that the publicity poster has already warned of what's in store. What looks deceptively like the moon is, in fact, someone's rear end. And the T-shape is a fundoshi, which Avarion will gladly inform you to be a male loincloth, used, no less, to conceal/support/hide one's family jewels.

Rrrrrrusty! (lusty)

I think, therefore I am

I had a stayover yesterday; after having salmon at IKEA of course. Had numerous rounds of card games, 1.5 rounds of Family Feud, and very little sleep. Sleep deprivation makes your mind revolve in mysterious ways, especially if everyone else in the room is fast asleep already and you are still staring wide eyed at the Justine Henin-Hardenne adidas poster on the wall with the words "Impossible is nothing" emblazoned and reflecting a peculiar glow in the orange night light.

During this period of silent rumination, I came to realise a few things:

1. I have 1/52 left to tidy up my life before the next phase officially begins. My room is still in a mess (though Pile B is gone, Pile C is now 1/2 it's original height, and I'm recycling so much paper I could get an environmentalist award) and I've only gotten as far as the cover for my ACLS manual. Plus I'm pretty busy next week, meeting 2 insurance agents on Monday (how on earth do they get our numbers?!), watching Fundoshi on Tuesday (yeah!) and having a gathering on Wednesday (woo hoo!). So I wonder how I'm going to get things done. Either "procrastination" is my middle name, or the acceleration due to gravity has tripled in the last few weeks.

2. Uncertainties can be rather daunting, like you never know what's going to trip you during your first night call while your MO and reg are in the OT. Or whether the next apple strudel you eat will contain raisins. But talking with close friends helps ease the tension, especially if they are in the same boat as you.

3. I'm probably rusty at venupuncture and setting plug now. What's more I'm starting in a "surgical" posting so the elderly patients will require a green needle. Wa. Difficult man.

4. Besides mugging up medical emergencies I also need to familiarise with all the drug dosages in 2/52 time! Gotta print the HO drug list from geraldtan, burn it and drink the ashes in Milo. Speaking of which, I think I need to get a pouch bag thingy to carry stuff around, and this leads me to the next point.

5. I'm so broke I can rob a bank with a syringe filled with midazolam (idea courtesy of Nic and GC). The guards and people will get amnesia some more so will hopefully forget who came to take $50.25 from their safe to buy a Billabong pouch.

And finally, a helpful tip to those who are going to SGH (including myself if I get my 2nd / 3rd posting)
6. SGH people should wear Heelys during night calls so they can cruise down the corridors while moving from one block to another.

*Side note
Halfway typing through this, got an MSN message from GC (and email from munjen) about XH's thing. And I agree with all the 3 girls that "my medical student life has ended without a conclusion". So I'm totally going to that gathering man. I'll take 35 bucks more when I'm robbing that bank. Was originally meant to have another gathering with my high school friends. But so sorry, you guys gotta wait. I only get to pass MBBS once.

The ostrich had his head in the sand

I've been reminiscing about the student days so much that I've decided to write down all the memorable moments I had. On my brand new blog no less. True to my voyeuristic self, I present to you, my top 3 embarrassing moments (in no particular order) as a medical student.

ONE
Looked stunned for a good 15 seconds when asked, for the very first time in M3, to examine the respiratory system of a female. I was super awkward for the whole time and was rightly scolded (after leaving the patient) by my female CG mate (MH), who said "It is equally awkward for you AND the patient. I think you should be more professional about it and go ahead with the examination." Okay. Then I gave MH a sheepish smile, while trying to wipe the sweat off my forehead. And neck. And arms.

TWO
Was asked to estimate the weight of a well-thrived 5/12 baby. I took the baby over from the mom and, after some serious thinking, I proudly declared the child to be 1.5kg, much to the surprise, and amusement, of everyone in the room, which by the way include 5 other parents, 4 CG mates, and 1 fortunately not-too-grumpy tutor. And I thought I could hear another baby in the far corner chuckle soon as I made my declaration. "Do you know what is the normal BW of neonates?" came the next question, and I realised I have made an idiot out of myself in front of 12 other people, including the "1.5kg" baby and his parent. Then my CG mate took the baby over and was spot on with an estimate of 7.5kg. Heh. I got strong arms la. 7.5 feels like 1.5 lor. Wa ha ha.

THREE
Was in the neonatal unit and was asked to check the neonate's cardiovascular system. Started with the peripheries and said the radial pulse was difficult to feel. "So what other pulse can you feel for in the upper limb?" "Er, the brachial pulse." "Ok, where is that?" Then, I went to the arm and started feeling the medial side, near the axilla. "What … are you doing?!" I think she was trying to be courteous. "Er, the brachial pulse." "Is this where you put your stethoscope when you take BP?" *Cue sheepish smile and wipe sweat drill.*

There are probably more moments like this, but I can most vividly remember these 3. Fortunately, pleasant memories outnumber these super pai-seh ones. Patients were often forthcoming and encouraging, and tutors were helpful. And of course I had much fun zao-ing lecture (for marvelicious Macs breakfast) and slacking/crapping in the student lounge with CG mates and other people.

Here's wishing more pleasant times ahead as we embark on a new journey.

The one about the messy slob

My room is in a complete mess. It has been so since the start of MBBS. Now that the dust has settled (literally), I will have to get started reading the 5kg ACLS manual. I need some space, but I didn't find any, simply because the table top is buried under a pile of odds and ends.

I will now defend myself by saying that I hadn't been a complete slob for 3/52. I had arranged all the notes and stuff and placed them into piles. The only problem now is where to accommodate them. I could buy a ring file, but lots of my written notes were done on A4 printing paper, and I wrote all the way to the margins. Which means punching holes through them will make me lose certain words.

So the papers remain in piles. Neat piles, mind you. Of course even if I do decide to sacrifice a few handwritten words and put them in ring files after all, I do not know where I can store them, cos my shelves are reaching maximum capacity. Then GC came up with the brilliant idea of IKEA storage boxes, which I can possibly place at the TOP of my cupboard

And hence I make this blog entry for 2 main reasons:
1. To appeal for more brilliant ideas on how to handle my mess
2. To motivate myself to clean up the mess, so I can post a before/after picture and boost my ego

Before all this, I will eat salmon at IKEA and have a bridge stay-over.

No, I'm not a slob; I thought I told you already.

Not a student, not yet a doctor

Today was results day. And the School of Medicine has decided that it was safe enough to put the letters "D" and "R" in front of my name. What a day. Was comforted when I saw JY burst into laughter and hug YZ ecstatically. Yes. They made it. They got through the viva and made it. And they ought to. As I collected my employment package (which by the way came with this 5kg ACLS manual that I had to lug around town), I realised my life as a student has officially ended. Very soon I'll be a working adult who needs financial planning (yes, some persistent, or maybe dedicated, agent from some insurance company came to talk to me already). How excitingly dreadful. I won't really call myself financially independent cos I still have a whooping 64K bank loan to clear. Using 10 fingers I can count and realise that I will have merely 500 to spend for my meals, transport and little else. So much for planning to get Raoul shirts with my first pay check. It's either Raoul or starvation, and I wouldn't look good in Raoul with an emaciated face. It doesn't help that I will get a huge pay cut as I enter NS 18/12 later. Fortunately that insurance agent got me thinking and mentally prepared on what's to come.

So I crossed out some items from my "What to do with my first pay check" list
Raoul shirts
10 DVDs per month
Desktop/Laptop/Palmtop
Mobile phone
Car

And I'm now a happy man.

Inauguration

Today marks my first venture into blogging. It shall remain an experiment; a beta-testing so to say.

About me
Am a normal (maybe), run-of-the-mill (definitely) guy who has just completed MBBS and hopefully passed it (results in 2 days). Digs movies but often limited by season offerings (i mean, who will go watch ultraviolet?). Want to get out of racket games and play something else. Maybe JUDO. or WAKEBOARDING.

Recently
It's been pretty mudane lately. Besides the short-lived excitement at the end of MBBS, nothing else has been interesting. Had a hearty chat with friends yesterday and have come to reminiscence on the student days. 2/52 time, and we will all step into the wards, laden with, not only endless patient lists and a ringing handphone, but also a newfound responsiblity of handling patients' lives. Now that'll probably keep our adrenals pumping every sec.

Thoughts
MBBS has been an arduous journey. And I am grateful for all the help and support from friends, family, relatives and even complete strangers. Like taxi drivers who ask which faculty you are in and then go on a tireless speech on how expensive and difficult the medicine course is. Or even people queuing at the supermarket, wondering why you speak strangely ("you speak with an accent. are you local? are you a student? what are you studying?"). And they invariably end off with "work hard young man. my life will depend on you in the future". Then you start to remember what you said in the admissions interview. "Sir, I want to be able to help people." It was these thoughts in mind that drove me forward when i find myself sick and tired of memorising the 12 causes of cerebellar signs.

And I spoke with an "accent", only because I had 1 large aphthuous ulcer on my lip and 1 large cut on my tongue. Yes. It was PAINFUL.